So, the funny thing about dreams is that they make you think. I mean, really think. I do not dream that often, or I suppose the more accurate term would be that I do no remember my dreams very often. However, I notice a pattern. Generally by Friday of the week, I find myself worn out/depressed/what have you. It is generally at this point that I become cynical of relationships, the concept of love and romance. Yeah, a bit of an over simplificiation, I concede, but I get that way. This Friday was no different, in terms of that. I went to bed slightly depressed and thinking of relationships as wastes of times and a way for people to release any sexual needs that they may have in a socially accetible manner (my thoughts on marriage get close to this often, but that's a topic for another day).
And then I slipped into Dreamworld.
I found myself with (now I guess she'd be considered an aquaintence) a girl I will call Aerith for the time being. To condense the story greatly (though I'm sure it'll eventually be told in full), we had met at the start of the school year and gotten really close by January when I told her how I felt and unfortunatly the feelings were not mutual, though we remained as good of friends as before. However, in March, her personality completely inverted- the kind, empathetic, friendly person I once knew had turned into a cold, apathetic person who only associated herself with two or three people at most. The personality inversion plus a disasterous project that we had worked on (the project itself was a success, but the working on it together was comperable to having ones foot run over by a lawnmower. Repeatedly) and a school sponsored dance turnly showed me how much our relationship had deteriorated and how different she had become. It was painful for me, to say the least, to see Aerith change like that, if not as a romantic interest but as a friend. I did not understand it then, and I still do not now. But, I moved on, replacing my feelings of attachment and caring wtih externally projecting frustration and indifference. Not to her face, but I made these feelings evident to my friends. However, these feelings apparently were only skin deep.
So, to condense the dream as well, Aerith (the former) and I had finally gotten together and we appeared to have gone the distance. We acted just like we had in January when we were together as friends with whispering from friends of possibly something more. This was the something more. It felt incredible. It felt like it had finally clicked. My cynicism had melted away.
And then I awoke with a smile on my face. Quickly, I sighed for multiple reasons: A) I knew it was but a dream, B) the Aerith as I saw in my dream did not exist anymore or if she does, she is hiding really well, C) that I realize that how much I think and say relationships are wastes of time and love may or may not truly exist, my dreams betray my inner yearnings for both. Gah. Dreams can make hypocrits of us all.
Yes, the title is meant to be ironic. It's taken from a video game where you (the player) as a male character can chose to be in a relationship with one of three women. The source of the quote is one of those three women named Jack (yes, you read correctly). She's had something of a rough existance, starting out as a human experiment for heightening telekenetic potential, of which she was supposed to be the strongest. Whoops, scientists! You succeeded!
That being said, Jack had a rough younger age and since then has been used and abused by pretty much everyone and as such isoltes herself from everyone and anyone becoming a fantastic criminal having a laundry list of felonies to boot. Until, you (the player) step in, rescue her from prison and eventually (if you choose Jack as your romance option) you can help rebuild her trust in people and humanity. While I haven't had a rough life like Jack, I can sorta empathize with her distrust of relationships (given that I really haven't had one work out for me yet) and bitterness. I do like the romance scene with her when she approaches the player and admits that it's difficult for her to open up like this...eh, just look it up on youtube. It'll be worth your time. (I'll list the video game on Sunday to go with my theme of quotes) That being said, even though I did not pick Jack the first time through the game, I can't help but pick her each successive time for her personality. She acts tough and mean but really just wants someone to be with her unconditionally. So we all do, Jack. So we all do.
-Reven
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